The picture above is of that Northern groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. My southern son so graciously contributed his time and talent so Southern Lady could show you how relaxed and happy those Northern groundhogs are during February. This guy has enjoyed the life of Riley since 1887, working one day a year, and tricking those Northerners into thinking he can predict the weather! Phil is supposedly the only true weather forecasting groundhog. How naive can you people up North be anyway? Letting a groundhog fool you into believing him for 120 years!! Those Northerners give this groundhog some kind of punch every year (at the annual Groundhog Picnic) and think this gives him 7 more years of life!! This rodent even has his own website. If this Phil is 120 years old, (the average life span is 6 to 8 years) he is lying in his groundhog hole gasping and wheezing. He doesn’t give a damned about the weather and all he cares about is fooling these people into giving him more food, water, and attention.
Now, let Southern Lady tell you about our groundhogs down here in the South. We call them Whistle Pigs. If surprised, they emit a loud, shrill whistle and dive into a burrow; hence the name. Southerners know they are a member of the squirrel family and we have killed squirrels for food since Daniel Boone’s day. Whistle Pigs rank 4th in game pursued and have provided many a tasty meal in days gone by to hungry farmers.
Let me introduce you to some of our Southern groundhogs. That is Colonel Willy Makeit,
in the picture his friend, Colonel Betty Wont Our Southern groundhogs work for a living. They have a pair of large front teeth that destroy our Southern vegetable gardens and fruit trees. Southern groundhogs create holes that are dangerous to livestock, farm equipment and humans. Have you ever stepped into a groundhog hole? If you ever do prepare to have a broken foot or ankle.
Don’t think for one minute that we apply cruel and unusual punishment for the little fellers. We just load up a high- powered rifle, jump into an old pickup truck, pack a few beers, turn some country music on the radio and cruise around the back roads eliminating them from our farms. Sometimes, we have groundhog day several times a week down here in the South.
Southern Lady remembers one time many years ago when my twins were about four years old. The old black screen door slammed on our farmhouse as they rushed into the kitchen to tell me what a neighbor told them. “Momma, Momma”, they yelled! “my friend said groundhog tastes just like “tucky” fried chicken”! I have to admit I did taste it one time at a “varmit cookin” but don’t remember if that statement was true.
We don’t really care if Colonel Willy Makeit sees his shadow or not. A true Southerner knows there is not a groundhog in the South that is going to predict the weather and likely as not we will have six more weeks of bad weather after February 2.
This post was not meant to offend anyone, not Phil, not the Colonels, and not the Northerners. We Southerners just seem to have to tell it like it is down here.
Have a happy Groundhog Day wherever you are!!!!!!!!
P.S. I wrote this several years back on another blog. I wanted to share it with my friends on The Southern Lady Cooks and Facebook!